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These Pickles Taste like Actual Butter

It's interesting to think about how pickles are made from cucumbers and cucumbers are part of the Eukaryota domain which also contains the species Mus musculus, also known as the common house mouse.


The interesting thing about house mice is that they're the most common type of rodent used in laboratory research. In the 1950s, psychologists Peter Milner and James Old fitted a mouse with electrodes that, when activated, would stimulate the pleasure center of the mouse's brain.

When the mouse was given its own trigger to activate the electrode, it pressed the trigger 7,000 times per hour—that's almost two times per second.

When offered food, a mouse would starve to press the trigger. When offered a hot female, a mouse would pass up sex and reproduction to press the trigger. When confronted with an electrified floor, a mouse would put its own body through harm and pain to reach the trigger.

Now, back to pickles.


Peter picked a pickled pickle pricked by picketers picking picnic pictures. Peter was a retard. Who in their right mind would pluck a double-fermented cucumber that was ravaged by hungry white protesters?

Pickles were invented by Chinese soldiers, convicts, and maybe slaves as a snack as they were building a great big wall. They also might have been invented by Mesopotamians for various reasons.

Homemade pickles

Prep: 2 hr | Cooking: 0 min | Total: 2 hr

Yields 1 jar of pickles


  • Water (1/2 cup)

  • Distilled white vinegar (1/2 cup)

  • Dill, coarsely chopped (2 tbsp)

  • Garlic, minced and pressed (3 cloves)

  • Honey or cane sugar (1 tbsp)

  • Sea salt (1 tsp)

  • Ground black pepper (1/2 tsp)

  • Cucumbers, sliced into coins (2 cups)


  1. In a medium-size bowl, stir together water, vinegar, dill, garlic, honey, salt, and pepper until the honey and salt mostly dissolve.

  2. Fill a mason jar with your cucumber coins and pour in as much liquid as will fit. Secure lid and refrigerate overnight or at least 2 hours.

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